Fate

Would you live backwards in time? That's not possible. How many events and layers of action have come before you, resulting in all that you see and think and feel? You don't ever lift your hand or speak a word without those previous things influencing you. You have to go forward, and you are forever a product of the ancient, immense, and awesome matrix that the ancients called the "fateful layers" of motion and action that pre-exist you.

Nothing that you feel that you "create" or "decide" on this day is unique to this day; its true beginning was ages ago; you acted as a final piece of the chain of causation that allowed it to come to be. And this process isn't merely linear; countless other forces, all existing at the same time as any "chain of causality" that you may identify, also exert their influence. You may want to consider these creations and decisions that you experience to be "yours", but in reality, they belong to the whole world, and to Fate.

A woman picked up a full spindle, and holding on to the end of the thread, she let it fall. It fell and spun quickly as it unravelled.

Her decision to pick it up and drop it, that is like the great layers of Fate that have come before all actions. The whirring of that spindle, and the unwinding thread, that is the motion of the seasons and all of the mighty activities of nature. Without She who held the spindle originally, the spindle and thread would not be spinning. Nothing is apart from the great motion of all reality, and the hand of the weaver, and her mysterious intentions, stands behind it all.

What happens eventually? The spindle is freed, and comes to rest. The thread is all released, and the spindle is pristine and bare. Should the owner of the spindle choose, she could pick it all up, re-wind the thread around the spindle, and let it fall again. Or if she likes, she could leave it as it lies. The point is freedom- her strange intentions were followed by necessary motions, the desperate spinning led gradually to freedom.

Perhaps a tiny spider on the spindle felt the motion and came to wonder at its situation- perhaps it came to identify itself in terms of spinning, of changing, of rushing motion, all from the spindle and thread unwinding.

The spider couldn't stop the spinning; it may have felt helpless. It couldn't understand what had caused the spinning in the first place, and it may have felt wonder and fear. However, no matter what it felt, freedom was inevitable.

Unable to explain or control its situation, yet doomed to the culmination of freedom- we could learn a lot from that spider on the spindle.

So don't live backwards in time. The Ancient Layers of Fate have long ago put themselves in place- She put them in place, She wove them there. From them, all things have arisen. Things arising and falling away, it's just the spin of necessity. You aren't really separate from that spin- accept this, and you accept your place in the great weave of things. Do not seek for false freedom in things born of the spin; your thoughts and feelings and actions are parts of a greater whole, and while they inevitably move towards the consummation of the weave of Fate, they are not in and of themselves free to ignore the spin nor act against it.

The freedom you want is not some freedom of choice or motion, but a realization of what is real in you, and an understanding of the meaning of all these things you experience. Everyone eventually gets around to asking the deepest of questions- what is my life? What is Fate? Do I choose things or do choices simply happen through me?

Why do you think this is? Because the system of Fate is unravelling, and at one point, the parts of it which think and which are aware- such as human beings- all must ask those things. The growth of awareness, of curiosity, of introspection and "looking within", is a sign of the approach of freedom, of the approaching end of this cycle of spinning. When awareness grows more pure and learns to look within itself, the weave is getting threadbare.

At this point, do not think that you can fail- you need no "freedom of choice" to reach the final and true freedom. If you seek to do what you cannot do, that is, to exempt yourself from the great weaving that is the ground of your being, and award yourself with powers of "free and independant choice" that you do not and cannot have, you will blind yourself to what is real.

You will trade in the mountain of fullness and wisdom for a tiny stone, and you will worship the stone and all the grandiose powers you attribute to it, instead of joining consciously with the cool, dark eternity of the mountain. Join with the mountain, and you will discover that "things are not happening to you" or even "around you"- you will find that things are you happening.

"Things", such as events, decisions, choices, storms, accidents, inventions, wonders, dreams- all are reality itself happening; they are Fate occuring, and you are not at all separate from that great and holy occurence. How could you be? Your true "self", your true "body", they are larger and more involved with what you have called "the world" than you could ever imagine. Give yourself to your Self, and see.

But perhaps that's still not enough for you. You don't want that; you want to be in charge of your own little part of reality, all outside of Fate's grasp. You and the little stone you love so much can take on the whole world, or ignore it if you want, and you don't need or want some big force influencing you!

When you look again, later, you will see that the stone has turned to sand, or a drop of water, and vanished. The mountain, however, will always be there, and was even below your feet while you held your stone. The freedom you want is only found in understanding this.

One day, in the darkness and light of the great culmination of the world, you will understand it; you will be it. but you needn't wait till the culmination to understand or to merge with the great mystery of Fate's spinning- you can understand and join it here and now. Why should you? Because peace follows this understanding and this wise union.

One day, this world will be unwoven, this world and every other. What will happen then? I will tell you: She will pick up the thread and spindle, and set it spinning again. If you waited too long and let the truth finally find you at the end of all things, She'll send you spinning again. If you were wise to her mysteries before the spinning was up, then no spinning can ever daze you again.